SPAGHETTI with WEEVILS and BOLOGNESE SAUCE

8 Sep

  • spaghetti
  • 1 can tomàquet triturat
  • 1 can tomàquet trossejat
  • ground meat
  • onions
  • garlic
  • green peppers
  • olive oil
  • red wine
  • brown sugar
  • salt
  • oregano
  • etc.

 

 

1. Sit on your ass with a Voll-Damm and the new Harper’s while your boyfriend makes the Bolognese sauce.

2. Get up to add the spaghetti when he calls and tells you the water is boiling.

3. “How come I always have to cook the spaghetti? I thought you were making me a romantic meal and I didn’t have to do anything.” Add salt to the water.

4. “Per que tens més bon ull per afegir-hi la quantitat adequada.”

5. Shrug. Open the Chimay tin where you keep your pasta products and pull out the spaghetti. “EEEE. Fuck. There’s a bunch of bugs in here. Mira.”

6. Grip the bag of spaghetti tightly when he tries to wrench it from you and begin adding it to the boiling salted water.

7. “QUÈ FAS?!?”

8. “It’s ok baby. They’ll float to the top and I can spoon them out.”

9. Spoon out weevils when they float to the top.

10. When your boyfriend sulls up and storms off to get his shoes, count to 5 and then follow, asking him where he’s going and what’s wrong.

11. “Em fas fàstic. No menjaré això.”

12. Kiss him. Tell him you will make him some macaroni.

 

 

Originally published in BCN Week, issue 14, September 8-14 2006

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