Please come home, I’ll make some HABAS, BABY

28 Feb

  • 2 packages of frozen habas baby
  • 2 little 100g boxes of tiras de bacon
  • 2 or 3 spring onions
  • 2 botifarres negres
  • 1 bay leaf
  • ¼ teaspoon mint
  • 1 teaspoon Anís del Mono
  • olive oil
  • sugar
  • salt

 

 

 

1. Dial 6675#####

2. “Buzón Orange. Por favor, grabe su mensaje después de la señal.”

3. Leave a message.

4. Finely chop the spring onions.

5. Sauté the bacon and onions in some olive oil.

6. Slice one of the botifarra into thick coins.

7. Dial 6675##### again.

8. “Buzón Orange. Por favor, grabe su mensaje después de la señal.”

9. Leave a new message.

10. Add the sliced botifarra and habas and continue sautéeing for 2 or 3 minutes.

11. Add the Anís del Mono, bay leaf, mint, sugar, and the whole botifarra.

12. Salt to taste.

13. Stir well.

14. Add enough water to barely cover the habas, baby.

15. Cover and bring to a boil.

16. Dial 6675##### again.

17. “Buzón Orange. Por favor, grabe su mensaje después de la señal.”

18. Hang up.

19. Send a text message.

20. Cook until the beans are a sickly grayish-green color.

21. Answer your phone when it rings. Say, “Digui?”

22. “Què vols?”

23. “What are you doing?”

24. “Sóc a casa.”

25. “Oh.”

26. “Res més?”

27. “Per què no vens a casa?”

28. “Tinc coses a fer.”

29. “Estic fent alguna cosa per sopar.”

30. “He dinat tard; no tinc gana.”

31. “Val, però podriem mirar una peli o anar a fer unes birres.”

32. “He fet una migdiada massa llarga i estic de mala lluna.”

33. Long pause.

34. Pause continues.

35. “I miss you, baby.”

36. “Tja, ho sé. Ja ho sé.”

37. “I do.”

38. “Va, un petó.”

39. “Baby…”

40. “M’estàs agobiant.”

41. “I don’t want to agobiate you. I just want you to come home.”

42. “Ja parlarem un altre dia.”

43. “I love you.”

44. “Gràcies.”

45. Remove the whole botifarra and cut it up. Throw it in the trash.

46. Spoon the rest of the botifarra out of the pan into the trash.

47. Botifarra negre is nasty.

 

 

One Response to “Please come home, I’ll make some HABAS, BABY”

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